Taking it Coastal

Hey there amigos!

Yeah I know, I’m a lazy sonofabitch when it comes to updating this thing lately. I’d like to say I’m busy but I ain’t that busy.  Played some shows, low key stuff, no biggie.  Pays the rent.  Dallied with the virtue of a couple of ladies, but nothing too exciting.  Had some “me” time.   By that I don’t mean I played with the Captain and some Nivea. Well okay, I did some of that too. I mean the world ain’t ending or nothing.

Time to snap out of it though.  Starting to sound like a goddamn lady myself.  Me time.   Next it’ll be manicures and the Women’s Network.  I just looked down my Fruit of the Looms to check the Captain was still there.  You’ll be happy to know ladies, that yes, he is and he’s looking magnificent like a shiny pink log of love.

Spring time.  Makes a dude think of poon.  Actually any time makes Tony think of poon.  Hey oh. There is nothing more beautiful than a juicy pink vagina.

Next week I’m kind of excited as I’m going to LA.  That’s Los Angeles to you bums, not Louisiana.  Who the fuck’d go to Louisiana of their own free will?  Jesus.   Actually Jesus probably would.  He’s respected in Lousiana.  True story. My friend Delmar, who’s a kick ass pianist, once played a show in Baton Rouge.  When he comes out on to the stage in this little church hall type place, he’s confronted by six dudes in white pointy head gear.  Delmar almost shit in his pants.  At first he thought it was a costume party and some dudes were dressed like sperms but turns out they were the real KKK.  For real yo!  They weren’t too happy at some black dude singing to their ladies.  So Delmarr excused himself for a moment then hoofed it out the back way and out of town.  

Anyways, yeah.  Los Angeles.  I’m playing a show out there with some other guys in my field and also some Elvis impersonators have a competition going down same time, so I get to hang with my good Japanese buddy Donny Ono, who believe it or not is a Japanese Elvis. Go check out his blog. He just started it and his English is for shit but dude’s a good onion. He promised to get me bombed on Saki and introduce me to this little half Japanese chick named Kiki who can shoot quarters out of her hoo ha. What’s not to like?

Hope you guys are all groovy?

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5 Responses to Taking it Coastal

  1. Hell yeah, I’m groovy! Springtime is here, no more -30 evenings for me!

    I checked out Mister Ono’s blog, it’s pretty good! I wanted to see if he was the same Japanese Elvis who performed for some friends and I at a pub in Nagano on Christmas Day 2004. True story! I went up to him during the interval and told him he was great. He went “Athangyaverrmuch”. Then I said “Could you sing Kentucky Rain? That’s my favourite Elvis song” and he went “Athangyaverrrmuch”. So I said “That’s the only Elvis quote you know and you don’t speak any English, do you?” and he said “Athangyaverrmuch”.

    This is absolutely true.

  2. Poobomber says:

    “…little half Japanese chick…”?

    So you really ARE into midgets hey?

    SNAP!

  3. Tony Spunk says:

    Senor Reviewer – well ain’t that the coincidence! I doubt Donny’s your guy because he’s only been doing the Elvis thing for a year or so. Between you and me, he sounds nothing like Elvis but he is sure fuckin’ funny to watch. He does it for the free drinks and the chicks, frankly. I’m gonna teach him some bad words next week so that ought to be fun.

    Pooey – You’re a funny guy senor. That’s fuckin’ gross incidentally. Well I could live with it if it’s the bottom half. A guy can use that part. Know what I mean?

  4. Jami says:

    Nice to know there is someone in this world…actually named Delmar. That’s my dad’s middle name, and he’s hated it ALL his life.

    I’ve been to Arkansas. Much worse than Louisiana. When pretty much everyone you see in the state you’re in shares the same genetic code, it’s time to get the fuck out.

    I just think of the movie Deliverance and hear “squeal like a pig” in my head every time I think of places like Louisiana and Arkansas.

  5. Tony Spunk says:

    Funky lady – Delmar is a 300lb black guy who grins non stop and likes stuffed toys. He’s the guy.

    Pedro and I once drove through Arkansas and it was damn pretty which is in direct conflict with its people who have interchangeable heads and guns. Hey ain’t that new Idol kid from Arkansas? He looks normal too. Maybe he was born some other place?

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