Still Surviving The Drought

Last night I took my sister and my nephew for dinner at this little Italian bistro I usually reserve for my sexy ladies. The staff know me and everything. They joke about putting a giant photo of me in a smoking jacket, on the wall there. Those guys!

Nathan is seven now and boy, he ain’t shy. He wanted to go to Hooters but Tony is not that crass. I wouldn’t take a seven year old to Hooters because as soon as that kid’s old enough to be dreaming about boobies, I’ll take him someplace QUALITY where he can get an eyeful of prime, fleshy merchandise that he stands a fair chance of getting up close and personal with. Not a fast food chain full of spring break chicks who’re addicted to peroxide and spray tans. Although, Tony would tap that if desperate, in case there was any doubt.

Georgette’s looking fine. I mean really fine. I couldn’t help but notice, it’s not creepy or anything. She’s a sweetheart. She and I always got along great. Even my mom and Georgette get along awesomely. My mom always wanted a daughter I think. Instead she got a hirsute son who can belch the Star Spangled Banner and who likes loud tuxedos. Those guys are spending the day at my mom’s today as a matter of fact. I don’t know what the hell they talk about. Periods, cooking, Brad Pitt and how my dad was a philandering bastard, I guess.

Day three without the poontang, people. By day seven I’ll be motoring into the nearest bar to snort coke off a hooker’s belly, washed down with tequila while hitting on every lady in the place. It will be an orgy at chez Spunk.

At least I expect to squeeze a plump little senorita’s castanets.

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8 Responses to Still Surviving The Drought

  1. WendyB says:

    Can you belch the alphabet? Because that’s hot.

  2. katrocket says:

    For the first 5 sentences during the third paragraph there, I thought we were heading into Penthouse Forum territory.

    Brad Pitt saves the day!

  3. Tony Spunk says:

    That scenario is too depraved even for Tony, sweet pie. I feel like I need a shower now. And while I’m in there I might as well moisturize my third leg, hey.

  4. Looks like you could teach that nephew of yours a few things. Give him an education in the laydeez, when he’s old enough.

    Actually, I reckon you could give me an education…

  5. Tony Spunk says:

    Somehow I’m doubting that, Sir. But yeah, once that kid’s old enough maybe I’ll introduce him to some nice ladies. What am I saying, my sister would kill me. Plus the kid’s only seven right now, he really prefers video games and making stuff explode to anything female. Although he’s quite fluent in many of the words used to describe parts of the female anatomy already.

  6. Tony Spunk says:

    Wendy, you sexy lady, I have tried but usually by about F I’m out of breath.

    Also, what’s a lovely lady like you doing in my spam comments folder? That is an injustice! My sincere apologies.

  7. Poobomber says:

    I sense you’re going to end up having relations with you sister by the end of this whole deal.

  8. Tony Spunk says:

    Oh c’mon now bro, y’all know I’m only kidding about my sis. Although I’m not sure what the big deal is, I mean I have sex with ME and I’M related to me.

    I’m KIDDING. Yuk.

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