Quick One For The Road

My ma came round yesterday and rearranged chez Spunk. So screw you guys who thought I lived in my ma’s basement. She left a lasagna in my freezer and a mason jar of iced tea in the fridge so I guess all’s ok with the world. And every guy knows, no woman will ever love them like their ma.

And I don’t mean that in a dirty sense, you filthy heathens.

Plus you need to see my shitter, honestly. You could eat dinner off that thing. It’s like a toothpaste commercial full of sparkle. One thing moms are good for is providing your ass a clean receptacle to drop a deuce into.

But talking of eating, as we were briefly up there, my ma brought me some table set thing. You know, plates, cups, those little plates you put a tea cup on, the whole shebang. She was displeased with my old kitchen apparatus. My old plates I’d had since 1989. I got them from a Mexican restaurant that was closed down by the health department. They’re made of some plastic compound with cacti around the rim and had gotten a little warped and bumpy over the years. It was like eating pizza off of Gwen Stefani’s ribs. No more though. Thanks ma.

In other news, Pedro is dating a flamenco dancer. It’s serious lust. One shake of her castanets and he’s jello. Plus the last time I saw that dude gel his mustache, the Pope was in town hanging with Tony Bennett.

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4 Responses to Quick One For The Road

  1. “It was like eating pizza off of Gwen Stefani’s ribs” Fuck me, if that isn’t the best sentence I’ve heard all week. Serious kudos for that one.

  2. Dr Zibbs says:

    I was just about to comment on the ribs too but was too slow.

  3. katrocket says:

    Awwww. Your mom sounds very nice.

    You can’t imagine how many times I’ve said “I wish this John was a lot cleaner.” That’s why I always make them wear a condom.

  4. tonyspunk says:

    Senor Reviewer: Thank you Sir. If you were a lady I’d kiss you, but Tony doesn’t swing that way.

    Doc: It’s not the speed it’s the intent, dig? That’s what I tell the ladies anyways.

    Katrocket: Lovely lady. Tony blushed like a virgin bride. Send your phone number immediately and a list of your charges. Hah hah.

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